


Still

by Umbr_el_on



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Fire Emblem: Three Houses Spoilers, Hopeful Ending, Light Angst, M/M, No Dialogue, Pre-Relationship, Pre-Timeskip | Academy Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:41:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23677048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Umbr_el_on/pseuds/Umbr_el_on
Summary: In the days following Edelgard's departure from the Officer's Academy, Dimitri and Dedue grapple with themselves. In the process, they find each other.
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Dedue Molinaro
Comments: 5
Kudos: 23





	Still

The night was still, even the fish in the pond hidden away and unmoving. The flat reflection of the water was unforgiving in its honesty, mirroring every feature of Dimitri’s face. He stared down at himself, memorizing what he could out of fear he may never see his own face again.

He looked broken, beastly, and battered. The bags under his eyes were impressive after the several nights he’d spent out like this, too afraid and hurt to find rest. His eyes glimmered with a wild edge that he’d never seen before, and his bottom lip was red from days of biting at it. Despite it all, Dimitri clung to the fact that it was still  _ him _ being reflected.

In the days since Edelgard revealed herself, he’d struggled to grasp his own identity. It had always been strange that Edelgard never regarded him with the warmth they shared as children, but her betrayal as the Flame Emperor was downright crushing. A voice in his head whispered that he’d never recover, but he silenced it as best he could.

Dimitri felt part of himself torn away when he realized that one of his most molding friends was the cause of the greatest pain he’d ever known. Now, it felt like he spent half of his days walking around as an empty body while his mind attempted fruitlessly to process the world around him. He was so close to giving up and letting someone else be strong, so close to letting himself break. It felt like all he could really do to hold on was stare at himself.

He almost went to Dedue, perhaps the only other person who could truly understand his pain. As usual, he became his own roadblock. He knew Edelgard meant it when she declared war on the Church, and it would be unfair to bare his feelings at such a dire time. There were bigger issues to think about if they had any hope of putting up a fight.

Sighing and shoving a hand through his tangled hair, Dimitri spared a glance around at the moonlit pond. His eyes burned in protest of being held open as he surveyed the area, and it seemed a rare opportunity to sleep was presenting itself. With one more glance at himself in the water, Dimitri pushed to his feet. He dusted his hands off on his pants before turning away, willing himself to get to his room without disturbing anyone else.

* * *

Dedue had woken from a nightmare, the sights and sounds of it continuing to haunt him as he trimmed one of the greenhouse’s young trees. He almost stopped to visit Dimitri on his way to the greenhouse, but he knew it would be selfish to disturb His Highness’s sleep for his own sake. It was doubly so now that they were preparing for whatever cruelty Edelgard had in store. So, he came to the next best place, alone.

As Dedue brushed his fingers over silky leaves, he made a prayer to a god of his own that the tree would be spared suffering if Edelgard attacked. It was still vibrant and flourishing, sure to be lovely once it took on more height. Maybe he could come visit it someday. Before he could stop himself, his mind pulled the tender, wistful moment away.

Now was the time for him to put into action the promise he’d made Dimitri when they were young. He’d sworn himself to protecting His Highness, but this was the first time he truly felt the weight of that promise. Dedue took a deep breath and cradled a flower with his fingers, forcing himself to think about if he was ready to die.

He was, he decided quickly. He was if it meant Dimitri got to live. He already lived on borrowed time, and his thankfulness for what he’d gotten out of the last four years was enough to satisfy him. Though the thought of leaving Dimitri alone made him feel a stab of loneliness, he silenced it with practiced ignorance.

Dedue stilled when he heard gravel crunch outside. He rose and gripped his pruning scissors in one hand, balling the other into a fist in case he needed to fight. He took care to walk silently towards the door, eyeing the figure walking away from the greenhouse through the foggy walls. The figure was tall and thin, probably male, with no obvious weapons; someone he could take down easily.

Bracing himself, Dedue pushed through the door. He had his fist and scissors at the ready. The cold air bit at his skin, but he felt ready to face whoever dared to scurry about the monastery at this hour. When he recognized who it was, however, every shred of aggression dulled into protectiveness.

* * *

Dimitri whirled around when he heard doors push open behind him. He felt foolish now to be out at night unarmed, hands curled poorly into fists. He could have yelled, but he still resisted disturbing anyone else until it was absolutely necessary.

The figure running towards him had something metal glistening in one hand, and Dimitri decided he would have to disarm them if he hoped to have a chance of going unharmed. He also had the size disadvantage and considered if he had the speed to make up for it. To his chagrin, the figure stopped well short of striking range. Only then did he get a good look at the figure beyond their possible weaknesses.

The silver hair on such a large figure was unmistakable. Dedue looked back at him with wide eyes. They said all that was needed, and Dimitri questioned if it was selfish of him to be out alone like this. He knew how it would hurt Dedue if something were to happen, and guilt prickled in his chest. He never wished to subject Dedue to something like that.

Acting on raw emotion, Dimitri let himself crumble as he ran. The weight of fear, fatigue, regret, and desire pulled him apart at the seams. By the time he made it to throw his arms around Dedue, he was little more than a figure of fluff, delicate and formless.

He found structure again in the shape of Dedue’s arms wrapped tight around him. Dimitri leaned into the touch, soaking it in with every sense. It was the first hug that had made him feel like this in years, and knowing it could be the last spurred him to cherish it with all he had. Taking a deep breath, Dimitri looked up.

He met Dedue’s eyes, reveling in the extra layer of comfort they offered. They made him feel dizzy and weak in the most beautiful way, and Dimitri ached to let his long-withheld emotions pour forth. He opened his mouth to speak, but Dedue smiled softly and shook his head.

The words Dimitri didn’t have the skill to string together dissolved on his tongue, and he was grateful they need not be spoken aloud. He saw them reflected in Dedue’s expression, hidden under stoicism so few could see past. At that moment, in the still of the night, Dimitri found one more thing to be strong for.

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi on [Twitter!](https://mobile.twitter.com/umbr_el_on) ✨💕


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